i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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