the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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