i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
