We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
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how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
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