This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
