So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
