Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
