Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
