I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
