Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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