Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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