when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
