i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
