I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
