the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
