im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
