grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
