jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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