I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
