I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
