I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
