Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
