We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
