The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
