Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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