Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
