its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
