haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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