he shaved USA in his pubs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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