yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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