yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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