I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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