bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
