I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
