I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
