oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
