It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
