I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
