Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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