I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
