so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
