to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
