it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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