You're so nebulous sometimes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
