We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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