You're so nebulous sometimes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
