Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize