Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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