and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
