I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
