I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
