You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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