Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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