a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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