I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
