You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize