i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
