apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
