Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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