burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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