So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
