I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
