My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
