i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
