she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
