I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
