He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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