oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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