apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
