oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
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I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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