you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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