he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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