I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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