dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize