He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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