see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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