i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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