I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
