Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
