I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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